Another Trans Tragedy

UPDATE: The personal Tumblr blog which was a source for much of this article has been deactivated. While some links might be broken, we will leave them as they were the original source at the time of writing. We have reposted screencaps of Leelah’s original posts here, along with a text archive of the post, as we believe that people might benefit from reading this teens account, and adjust their own approach towards trans people.

A transgender teenager from Ohio has committed suicide, leaving behind a digital note asking for her death not to be in vain.

Photo: Leelah Alcorn’s Tumblr

Leelah Alcorn, 17, posthumously posted a suicide note to her Tumblr account, detailing what led her to kill herself. The Ohio Highway Patrol announced that Alcorn was pronounced dead after walking into oncoming traffic and being struck by a tractor trailer on Sunday (December 28, 2014) in Lebanon.

In her Tumblr note, Leelah explained that she felt “like a girl trapped in a boy’s body”, and had felt that since the age of 4, but did not learn what it meant to be transgendered until the age of 14.  The teen expressed her frustration at the way she was expected to conform to societal and religious expectations and told the story of how she originally came out as gay to her parents before understanding that she was actually transgender.

She also left a very heart-wrenching caution to parents of trans children:

When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this, parents, please don’t tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate them self. That’s exactly what it did to me. – Leelah Alcorn’s Tumblr Blog

Alcorn went on to explain that her parents had not accepted her choice of gender, and that she adopted a ‘fuck you’ attitude towards her parents, resulting in her grounding and having her social media/phone privileges taken away.  The experience made her feel even more alone and desperate, and the teen resented her parents actions.

“We don’t support that, religiously,” Alcorn’s mother, Carla, told CNN Wednesday. “But we told him that we loved him unconditionally. We loved him no matter what. I loved my son. People need to know that I loved him. He was a good kid, a good boy.”

His father responded to inquiries from Channel 7 WCPO News in an email stating:

“We love our son, Joshua, very much and are devastated by his death. We have no desire to enter into a political storm or debate with people who did not know him. We wish to grieve in private. We harbor no ill will towards anyone. … I simply do not wish our words to be used against us.” – Doug Alcorn to WCPO News

Unfortunately, similar to the recent case of Jennifer Gable, Alcorn’s parents appear to have ignored Leelah’s wishes following her death, refusing to acknowledge her chosen gender pronouns or name.

She expressed her frustration that she was being blocked from being who she wanted to be:

When I was 16 I realized that my parents would never come around, and that I would have to wait until I was 18 to start any sort of transitioning treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The longer you wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt hopeless, that I was just going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life. On my 16th birthday, when I didn’t receive consent from my parents to start transitioning, I cried myself to sleep. – Leelah Alcorn’s Tumblr Blog

Leelah’s note painted a clear picture of the level of despair that she felt, having no hope that things would get better in her future.

 I’m never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I’m never going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I’m never going to have enough friends to satisfy me. I’m never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse.

In another note, Leelah posted personal notes to a few people, and left a final message to her parents.

Mom and Dad: Fuck you. You can’t just control other people like that. That’s messed up. – Leelah’s Second Tumblr Blog Post

The two notes were posted only shortly after Leelah reblogged another user’s post saying:

relientkara:

If you were suicidal at all this year, or any year in the past, and are alive right now for Christmas and new years then I just wanna say I am so freaking proud of you. Me and thousands of other people are. You are amazing, strong, and definitely made the right choice.

Please make the right choice next year, and in all the years to come as well. 

Merry Christmas. 

Leelah also requested in her suicide note that her belongings be sold and the resulting cash be given to an organization that supports trans civil rights and that provides support to trans people, but did not specify which one.

Many have voiced the opinion that Leelah Alcorn’s parents should be held responsible for her death, including renowned activist/author Dan Savage, who tweeted his belief that the parents and therapists should be charged and that Leelah’s parents should lose custody of their other children.

While Savage’s view is controversial, we cannot remain silent as long as gay or trans people are regarded as defective by our society.

Support is out there

The Trans Lifeline has now launched in Canada, providing a crisis hotline staffed by transgender people. Staff are trained in preventing self-harm, and can help callers connect with other resources. The crisis line can be reached in Canada at 1-(877) 330-6366.

This service is paid for through donations, and you can help them help others by making a donation through their GoFundMe fundraising page here. For more information about Trans Lifeline, please visit the website here. You can also volunteer by filling out the form here.

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