Kinky Q & A (November 12, 2014)

Dear Kinkster,

I’m new to the lifestyle and I want to attend a munch to get to know some folks in my area.  Only problem is I’m shy and just can’t bring myself to do it. Help!!

ShyNoob

Dear SN,

Boy do I ever remember the first time I went to a munch and how nerve racking it was! I had no idea what to expect, if everyone was going to be weird, or if I was even dressed appropriately.

Here’s a few tips I’d suggest doing to ensure your first munch is going to lead to more.

• Private message (PM) the host/ess of the munch and let them know you’ll be attending.  Explain that you are nervous to come out for your first munch. 99% of us have been exactly where you are at one time or another and get how distressing it can be. The host/ess will most likely be compassionate and make you already feel less nervous just by speaking with you through PM

• When you arrive, most host/esses are near the door, so make sure you introduce yourself as soon as possible to alleviate your nerves and so they can introduce you to others at the munch.
• You can introduce yourself by your Fetlife name or your real name, it’s up to you. It’s been this kinkster’s experience that if you use your first name or a variation (no last names ever need be mentioned) it’s more personal and brings down those walls (and nerves) just that much more. All within your comfortable level of course, you’ll never be pressure to reveal more of yourself than you are willing.
• Don’t sit! I know, I know…that table in the dark corner looks real appealing, but putting yourself in the midst of the talkers and laughter will be better in the long run in you sincerely want to meet people and make connections. It’s as simple as going up to someone and saying ‘Hi, I’m ….and it’s my first time here.”. That is if you get the chance, there’s always one or two people who make it their own personal mission to talk to all the new faces to make them feel welcome.
• Don’t forget to say good-bye to the hostess when you leave. You’ve now put a face to your name and you’ve at least made one friend at the munch. And isn’t that why you mustered up the courage and came out in the first place!

Want to ask a kinkster a question?

You can submit your questions through our form here! Don’t worry, we’ll keep your name/username anonymous!