Kinky Q&A – How long should I wait to play again?

In our Kinky Q&A segment we address some questions regarding kink and the BDSM scene.

Q: How long should I wait between play sessions? I still have some bruises. Do I need to let them heal first? – submitted by Arielle through our form here.

A: Let’s address both of your questions separately, starting with the latter.

Bruising

A variety of factors will affect how easily you bruise and how fast you heal, including which tissue suffered the ‘trauma’, age, gender (believe it or not, women tend to bruise easier due to having more subcutaneous fatty tissue than men), hormone levels, genetics, and diet.

A bruise can occur in a few ways, but for the sake of this article we’re focusing on bruising caused by spanking, cupping, caning, punching, or kicking within the confines of a kinky BDSM scene. These bruises are considered ‘blunt trauma’ which is the term used for when a force

Photo Credit: Matt Kowal – Original – CC license

compresses tissue causing capillaries to break under the skin (or in the case of cupping, causes the capillaries to rupture through suction). Blood then seeps out of the capillaries and pools around the area of impact. To combat the trauma caused by the impact, the body produces a hormone called endothelin which causes the capillaries to narrow, thus decreasing the amount of blood that can pool. Icing and compression of the area can help reduce the amount of bruising, and gentle massaging and application of heat can help aid in healing the tissue by encouraging blood flow (which helps the bruise be absorbed by the cell tissue). However, it’s best to wait about two to three days to ensure that the capillaries have had a chance to heal, so that they don’t continue to release more blood upon agitation.

This is a bit ‘sciencey’ (In fact, I’m wearing a lab coat right now just for the hell of it!) but you might find it interesting to know that as the hemoglobin in the bruised area degrades and is absorbed by cell tissue, that is what causes the various colours of bruising. Hemoglobin at first produces a red-blue colour, which then gives way to the greenish colour produced by biliverdin, bilirubin later produces a yellowish colour, and hemosiderin produces a golden-brown colour. When the process completes and the chemicals are cleared from the area, the bruise disappears. The cool thing though, is that in most cases the damage to the tissue has been repaired even before the bruises have completely cleared.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

Don’t forget to consider the psychological aspect of a BDSM scene! Following a scene (some of which are not only sexy but VERY intense), it’s fairly common to feel a bit kind of an afterglow feeling, which can often transform into feeling ‘out of sorts’ for a few days. This is known as ‘drop’, and it manifests itself differently from person to person. It occurs both as a result of the chemicals that your body releases into your bloodstream when you play (such as adrenaline and endorphins), as well as the psychological component

of play. Remember that in kinky play there is often an intensity to the scene created by power dynamics, which can cause all kinds of thoughts to run through a bottom/submissive’s head, including self-deprecating thoughts about worth (“I’m such a worthless slut!”), doubts about whether or not your partner truly cares about you (“How could they hit/humiliate me like that?”), as well as a general feeling of being fucked up or even guilty for enjoying the things that you do, which you know are not societal ‘norms’.  There are some ways to minimize those psychological effects through aftercare, which Shadow-girl eloquently explains in the article “Aftercare is Important, People!” here. 

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!

As partners, you’ll need to discuss your desires for BDSM play as well as aftercare, and keep an open dialogue running in the time following a scene. Doing so will allow you to make sure the body and mind are capable of further play. Keep in mind that although you might have a score of bruises on your butt, you could engage in other types of play, such as needle or fire play, which avoid further damage to the bruised area. In other words, there is no set time that should pass between scenes, but you and your partner can decide what is healthy for you!

Submit your questions about sex, relationships, and kink by using our form here! Each week, we’ll answer a new question.