Pain Management: A Submissive’s POV

As a submissive I encounter pain… often.  Sometimes from tight ropes, sore knees, impact play, needles and a myriad of other strange fantasies that cross my Sir’s mind and enter our reality.  When we first started adding the element of pain to our play, our scenes were short and I had a hard time understanding how anyone could enjoy this.  I wondered if people were faking the dopey subspace eyes, or maybe their partners were not as heavy handed or maybe I was just wimpy and couldn’t take as much pain as others.  I knew that I liked the passion and fire that play added to my relationship and sex, but I had a lot of trouble managing the pain that came with it.  I talked to a lot of submissives, pain sluts, masochists and Dom(me)s to figure out what I could do to turn it around.  It took me years to find my groove with impact but it was needle play that really drove home the techniques for managing pain that are best for me.

We naturally handle pain in a few ways: we accept it, we reject delivery or (in rarer cases) we consume it.  Accepting pain is our initial natural response.  We experience the pain fully and thus are also able to fully experience the endorphins and adrenaline that go with it.  This is often how subspace is achieved.  When we reject delivery of the pain we only experience a fraction of the pain that is dealt.  The downside of this is that we also only experience a fraction of the endorphins and adrenaline.  In some rare cases, we consume the pain as if it is energizing or feeding us.  Instead of being cathartic during and after play, people who have this reaction to pain are more likely to be giddy, happy, appear intoxicated and energized.

We all process pain differently and most of us either accept, reject of consume the pain.  However, we can actively manage the pain and sensations ourselves.

On the less productive end of pain management we often see detaching from, compressing and fighting the pain.  Some people detach from the pain, which is characterized by looking down on their own bodies during play.  Many of us who prefer to experience the pain steer clear of this type of pain management during a scene.  However, once the endorphins are rushing and the adrenaline is pumping, it is easy to end up there.  When you find yourself clenching muscles, holding your breath or bearing down, you are compressing it inside yourself.  Not only does it compress inside the body, but it also makes the body more tense for impact which can cause damage.  Some people use the force of their will to fight the pain, trying to avoid feeling it.  While the pain is still felt through this type of management, the body will be thoroughly exhausted afterwards.  Fighting the pain, compressing it or detaching from it can be negative forms of pain management for submissives trying to get the most out of their experiences.

Some positive forms of pain management include accepting, dispersing and releasing the pain.  When we accept the pain, we feel it fully but allow it to happen.  This is the process that allows subspace to grip us – and is often the most pleasurable part of engaging in play that involves pain.  When we disperse the pain we mentally allow the pain to spread from the point of impact to a larger area.  This allows bottoms/submissives to play for longer periods of time.  Releasing the pain often involves movement, dancing, breathing out, moaning or yelling.  This allows the pain to leave the body preparing it for more impact.  Using all three of these methods can make for a very pleasant experience and manages pain in a way that allows your body to recuperate.

Pain is a big part of a lot of forms of play in BDSM and kink.  And while the bottom is the one receiving the sensations and pain, remember that the Top/Dom(me) is there to get pleasure too and your reaction to pain is often a huge part of their pleasure.  Engaging in active pain processing can make the play more enjoyable for all parties.

Inspiration for the post came from www.submissiveguide.com