Thinking About Safety: SSC, RACK, Negotiations and Vetting

I run a local Coffee Discussion Night that often makes interesting topics of conversation surface.  At one of these coffee nights, we began talking about safety in the community and I was amazed at the lack of knowledge that new people have coming into the BDSM community and lifestyle.  Most of these people had no knowledge of safe calls, vetting, negotiations or RACK and SSC.  It boggled my mind.  So I talked a lot and hopefully some of it became standard practice for these people.

For anyone new out there, I do recommend getting in touch with your local kink community through Fetlife, which is a kind of Facebook for kinksters.  On top of the amazing writings, the possibility of connecting to local kinksters and totally hot pictures and videos, it is an amazing place to learn about and implement some of the safety things I am about to talk about!

Definitions can be found in the BDSM Glossary Group on Fetlife.

Safe, Sane & Consensual (SSC): A standard of conduct for the healthy enjoyment of BDSM participants; similar to RACK, but with an emphasis on making any activity as “safe” and “sane” as possible.

Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK): A standard of conduct for the healthy enjoyment of BDSM participants; similar to SSC, but acknowledges that there are always risks in any kind of activity which must be understood and accepted.

It is necessary to be as safe as possible, engage in BDSM practices that are as sane as possible, be as transparent with consent as possible, as well as being very aware that everything we do carries an inherent risk to it. Being as educated about those risks is the safest way to navigate our journeys through this community. I personally like the philosophy of being risk aware. It makes everyone in the community accountable for practising as safely and as intelligently as possible. I would love to hear input from anyone who has additional information and/or opinions about this in the comments below!

When considering new partners or play partners I strongly advocate using the community as a resource. Vetting people is a lost art. Some people had no idea what vetting was, or how to go about it. When I vet someone that is in my local community, I go to mutual friends and ask about people’s impression of the potential play partner. I ask about their previous public play and their previous partners. My goal is to stay away from anyone who is known for consent violations, boundary pushing, drama llamas or any other red flag behaviour that I have not thought of. Things get a little trickier when I try to vet someone who is not from my local or surrounding communities. In these cases, I will research the community they are from via FetLife and contact prominent people from that community. Most people are kind and willing to guide you. It is then my job to sift through what might be individual perception, relaying of gossip and my gut feelings. “Vetting,” or looking into the background of new partners is essential to keeping safe. Just like you would learn as much as you can about a new implement before using it, you need to learn as much as you can about a new partner before getting into a situation that is just too risky.

Negotiation: Communication before a scene, or during the formation of a relationship, in which the parties reach an agreement about the goals, expectations, and limits of one another. It may be anything from a thirty-second conversation to a formal, written Contract.

I once attended a great seminar before a Hellfire Play Party that was about the art of negotiation. The main themes that I took from this were about inclusive and exclusive negotiations. Inclusive negotiations refer to any negotiations that specify what you are willing to do. Exclusive negotiations refer to any negotiations that specify what you are NOT willing to do. These concepts are very important and using them correctly can reduce the risk of consent violations, confusion, and ending up in a scene that you are not ready for, or safe in.

Exclusive negotiations involve both parties explaining what they are unwilling to engage in. On most people’s hard limit list you will find the following: no children, no animals, no scat (and other personal preferences). This seems like it would be enough, but the problem is that we cannot always conceive of what the other person may want to do. Some examples of what are not included in that list are: amputating a finger, playing without a safe word, being forced to piss yourself at family Sunday dinner, among so many other things that you might run screaming from. Exclusive negotiations can be dangerous.

A safer form of negotiation is inclusive. Inclusive negotiations involve both parties explaining what they are willing to engage in. For example, I may say to my potential play partner that I am willing to get flogged, enjoy sensation play and some caning. This closes the door on any play outside of what is specified. In my opinion, this is the safest way to negotiate with any partner.

I personally caution against changing what will be included in play mid-scene. Neither top, nor bottom is in the right head space to make decisions about consent. You can always re-negotiate before the next scene you do together and avoid the risk of consent violations and regrets.

Some additional things that we thought should be looked at in the negotiation process are:

• Possible triggers: words, behaviours or situations that can bring back feelings from past trauma. For me, the use of knives can sometimes trigger emotional responses due to past sexual abuse. The presence of a knife can be a big trigger for me.
• Use of the stoplight system: Using the easy to understand system of Green = Go, Yellow = slow down/check in and Red = Stop/End scene is an easy way to ensure in scene communication.
• Aftercare: agreed upon behaviour after any activity that supports both the bottom and the top and helps avoid drop after play. This can be anything from a hug to a long cuddle, to water and food. And some need nothing after play! But it is important to have a conversation before play to make sure that your needs are met.

This is a quick overview and hopefully I will have time to go into detail on some of these safety measures in the near future.

I look forward to anything people would like to add and/or comment on in regards to all of this! And thanks so much to those that participated in the original discussion that prompted this post!