Be Kinky and Proud with me!

How can we expect to be accepted in the vanilla world if we are unwilling to educate people about BDSM?  If we remain in closets, hiding our unique tastes, acting like it is a dirty secret – doesn’t that just reinforce the public opinion that what we do is fucked up?  If we spend our time protecting our anonymity – spend our energy working against our own authenticity – what will we have left of ourselves to pursue our dreams?

I don’t necessarily advocate singing about BDSM as you walk down the street, or revealing your practices at Christmas dinner.  I don’t personally talk to anyone about my kink life that I would not normally discuss my sex life with.  But being closed off, acting like what I do is wrong, hiding it as if it is something to be shameful about, leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I am pretty much “out” about kink in my life.  That doesn’t mean that I always need to talk about the nitty gritty details of my caning last night, or that everyone in my life needs to know that my greatest pleasure is derived by being a footstool for my Sir for the evening.  But it does mean that if the topic comes up, I talk about it.  I correct wrong statements that people who aren’t involved in the scene make.  I answer the questions my vanilla friends ask.  I invite them to Discussion Nights and Munches.  I educate people every chance I get because our community needs to not be vilified anymore.

I recognize that some people have a need for anonymity.  I recognize that some employers would not react favourably to their employee being involved in the BDSM community.  But I don’t consider my workplace an appropriate place to discuss my sex life either, so it doesn’t come up at work.  It also doesn’t come up at Sunday dinner with my mother and grandmother.

But it does come up when a friend or acquaintance reads 50 Shades of Grey or brings up Jian Ghomeshi.  And these very public accounts of BDSM that are largely false are all society has to learn about us from.  These are their sources of information about a community that is huge and supportive and amazing.  And that makes me sad.

So I guess my message is this, friends:

Don’t shy away from the conversation.   Don’t let others dictate what is and is not okay in your life.  Don’t let a society that has no resources to understand us, downcast our interests as shameful.  Don’t let people make uninformed opinions and decisions about BDSM.

Instead, engage in the conversation.  Share your intimate knowledge of WIITWD.  Educate, all the time.  Talk about your lived experiences with BDSM.  These are the things that help erase stigma and make life better for all of us.