Book Review: The New Bottoming Book
Authors Dossie Easton (Left) and Janet Hardy (Right)
Easton is an author and family therapist, and Hardy (who previously wrote under the name Catherine A. Liszt) is a sexuality writer, educator and publisher. They are probably best known for their book on non-monogamy, The Ethical Slut
The New Bottoming Book
The book is divided into two parts: Part 1 focuses on the skills for being a happy and healthy bottom and Part 2 describes how to achieve your needs and desires through scenes and play.
In Part 1, readers are asked to think about what they want from bottoming. What emotions do you want to feel? What role do you want to take on? Good questions to ask yourself. If you don’t know what you want, how can you expect a top to know?
There’s quite a bit on how to communicate and negotiate your needs, desires and limits, because if bottoms want their needs met they have to take an active part in designing and realizing them. One of my favourite lines from The New Bottoming Book is ‘negotiation is mutual scheming’. I think some bottoms feel like they don’t have a say in negotiation, and this section in the book not only explains why bottoms should negotiate, but how to do it so that both the bottom and top have a fun experience.
I really liked the section on finding a top, which included how to determine if there is enough mutual interest to play together, and then how to find a safe, ethical and healthy way to fulfill your fantasies without giving up more power than you want to.
Part 2 starts out with identifying some of the rewards of bottoming, and the different states it can take you. It describes the physical and mental preparation for different types of play (bondage, sensory deprivation, D/s, service, discipline, contracts, body modification, costumes, body worship, role-play, age-play, gender-play, animal-play, human furniture, resistance, humiliation and verbal abuse, and cultural play), playing in public, and aftercare. This section provides many good examples of different types of play – and a source of inspiration! There’s also a section on SM and spirituality.
In particular I really like the section on pain – why people like it, how to receive it and manage it through breathing, and also the emotional and physical after-effects.
Throughout the book, the message is that bottoms have a choice, are powerful, and are deserving of respect. The authors really focus on validating your desires and how fantasy fulfillment can be very empowering, while describing ways to do it safely, consensually, and with mutual benefit.
Other key messages:
- know the difference between fantasy and reality and manage your expectations accordingly, because you may not like what you get (ie. be careful what you ask for)
- know the difference between your wants, needs and desires
- when you start exploring in real-life, go slowly
- bottoms have a responsibility of knowing their limits
- be who we need to be by being open and honest
The book does seem a bit dated, in that it doesn’t describe some of the more current philosophies on practicing safety and responsibility, such as Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC), Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) or Personal Responsibility in Consensual Kink (PRICK). The concepts of safety, consent and personal responsibility are certainly present throughout the book though.
Good:
- positive and inclusive tone
- not gender binary or hetero biased
- doesn’t assume that bottoming always means being submissive
- the authors present play as being something that should be fun for all participants.
Not so good:
- no index!
- doesn’t describe SCC, RACK or PRICK
Conclusion: Overall, I enjoyed reading The New Bottoming Book
Recommended for: people who are new or fairly new to kink in general and would like to try bottoming, bottoms who are looking for some validation for their choices or ideas on how to fulfill their needs or desires, or those who are interested in learning more about the roles and needs of bottoms.
Comment